1. HALF BROTHERS
Maria a beautiful Latino fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another boyfriend. Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother". So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo is your half-brother too."
Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "My darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you are not related to Papa."
2. LAWYERS
A man went to his lawyer and told him "My neighbour owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?
"Do you have any proof ?",asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you," Said the lawyer.
"But its only $500!" replied the man.
"Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need," said the lawyer.
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The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding.
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A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?"
"$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150.
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The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honours, and then went home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!"
His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!"
3.DURIAN VS. BELIMBING
Dalam satu pertandingan antara buah-buahan tempatan, berkatalah buah durian dengan angkuhnya "Siapa lagi di antara kamu yang sanggup berlawan dengan aku, aku percaya tiada lagi yang dapat mengalahkan aku". Di kalangan buah-buahan tempatan yang mendengar kata-kata durian itu berkatalah belimbing kepada durian "Kalau kau setuju aku akan membawa saudaraku untuk bertarung dengan kamu" Mendengar kata-kata belimbing tadi durian pun ketawa sembil berkata "Ha Ha Ha, aku tau kau nak membawa belimbing besi untuk bertarung dengan aku, kan ? Silakan bawalah berapa ramai sekali pun mereka kemari aku sedia menerima cabaran mereka" Buah-buah lain yang hadir di pertandingan itu menasihatkan belimbing agar membatalkan saja niatnya untuk membawa saudaranya bertarung dengan durian, tetapi belimbing tetap berkeras hendak membawa saudaranya bertarung. Belimbing merasa geram dengan sikap durian yang semakin sombong dan angkuh.
Maka belimbing pun membawa saudaranya masuk ke dalam gelangang dan pertandingan pun bermula. Durian dengan angkuhnya baring sambil meniarap di gelanggang dan berkata "Aku beri peluang saudaramu ini untuk menghempap diriku dulu dan kita akan lihat nanti siapa yang merasa sakit pula ha..ha..ha.." kata durian dengan sombongnya. Maka dihempap lah durian oleh saudara belimbing tadi. Dengan hanya sekali hempap durian pecah dan terbelah dua. Durian yang agaak terkejut dan merasa sakit lantas bangun dan menoleh kepada saudara belimbing tadi. Durian merasa terkejut melihatkan saudara belimbing tadi lalu berteriak dan mengadu kepada Cempedak yang mengadili pertandingan tersebut "Hoi!! mana aci macam ni, ini dah kira tipu.. dia ni kan penyu belimbing, kalau macam ni matilah aku…"
Moral : Jangan suka mencabar tanpa usul periksa.
Read more: Aby RAd's blog: Lawak utk hari ini http://abyrad.blogspot.com/2008/05/lawak-utk-hari-ini.html#ixzz1wtA053zI
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